"I'll get you my pretty and your little dog too!"
Who can't forget Elphaba's words to Dorothy threatening not only her, but cute little ToTo too.
Many of us might feel the personal threat, but ridicule the notion that poor ToTo was much of a consideration when it came to concern. I mean after all he was just a dog. This thinking was apparent when many of the uneffected public shook their heads in amazement when people refused to evacuate for Katrina if it meant leaving their pets behind.
This brings up the concept of relevance when dealing with people in disaster situations and in many other aspects of human services. Relevance refers to what has significance or carries weight for for an individual. All lives are lived in their own relevance and therefore what is significant or weighty to me may not be weighty or significant to you. As service providers we need to be cautious about minimizing or ridiculing someone's issues because they appear trivial to us or because we just finished with another consumer whose losses register as more tragic. The truth is they are not comparable.
Grief is also relevant to the particular person experiencing it and is impacted by culture, faith, the nature of the relationship itselfand where the greiving person is in respect to their own life course. Just because your parent's death was painful and registered as a major loss in your life doesn't mean someone else enjoyed the same kind of relationship. I know someone who volunteers to me routinely that when their Mother dies it will be a relief simply because of the unhappy relationship they have.
It is important to remember as well that the concept of relevance crosses all ages and stages of life. The degree to which a child feel the loss of a special "lovey" (blanket, doll, teddy)is just as significant as someone who may have lost the urn containing a spouse's ashes. For some people the loss of their "Toto" can be as meaningful as the loss of a human family member.
All this leads to one of the prime considerations when dealing with people who have experienced
lost or trauma-
Do not tell people you know or understand how they feel. As this goes back to relevance and there is no way their individual pain is something you understand or know. This makes it also important to avoid demonstrating your understanding with a personal anecdote about loss or pain of your own.
Instead listen to people's stories and emotions.
Remember there is no right or wrong way to feel in these situations.
Natural disasters and trauma can magnify the effect of relevance in all people's lives not just those who may already be suffering with a mental health issue.
