How Come Dorothy Doesn't Finish Last?

I recently got stuck in a waiting room reading the only magazine with intact covers. The September 22, 2008 issue of Computerworld might seem to have little to do with this blog, The article by Virginia Robbins seemed to have little to do with computers either, which is probably why it caught my eye.

Nice Folks Really Do Finish First was about analyzing what it is about nice people who are successful versus nice people who do not experience success in work environments. Ms. Robbins suggests that being nice or kind is an asset in any environment as long as no one believes it will replace competence. In other words it is nice to remember co-workers birthdays with a card, but if you don't meet deadlines or pull your share of the load, nice won't cut it. Nice requires being able to contribute, but it also requires some toughness, especially if in a supervisory position. Being nice and avoiding necessary criticism or disciplinary actions because someone doesn't like conflict or confrontation only makes you unproductive.

The author writes about an acquaintance who guages her niceness by the tone of the other person's voice. If the other person sounds rushed, she is concise and brief so as not to slow them down or if terseness isn't required, she takes a few minutes to share a laugh or ask them how they are. At meetings, she observes expressions and then follows up with anyone who seems puzzled or concerned to make sure they understood the content and to get their input. As the person in charge she has learned to say, "No", without being short which adds a quality of anger on dislike to the receiver of the message. When she has to give a negative response, she is firm but polite and considerate and finds she gets more understanding regarding the reason and little to no back biting as a result.

I think what Ms. Robbin's friend has discovered is what Dorothy embodied. No matter what the situation, if people are noticed with kindness and acknowledged for contributions even when small, the reward in response and effort on the part of others is exponentially greater. The friend apparently learned this in an emergency visit to a hospital where her care seemed caught up in a strict bureaucracy and she was getting no response to her issue. She made up her mind to be kind to everyone she encountered, She thanked or complimented everyone from the intake nurse to the orderly and the doctor. As a result, everyone knew her name and her visitors were permitted to stay after hours, and her comfort was checked on even without the help of her call bell. Did this make her insincere? No, her compliments and comments carried weight because they were honest and heartfelt. The author's friend simply developed a way of looking for what was worth noticing and worthy of recognition in everyone around her.

Isn't that what Dorothy does? She sees the hope and promise in her companions and as a result they risk personal harm to help her achieve her goal.

Perhaps this is a skill we as social workers can embrace as well? Often we, in our own sense of being unappreciated or over looked, fail to acknowledge what it right with the people we work with.

This can include clients as well as coworkers and may help prove that no act of kindness is ever wasted.

"I am Dorothy, the meek and mild."

So says Dorothy when she meets the Wizard and he demands an explantion of who she is and why she requires his assistance. Meek and mild certainly seem to be Dorothy's impression of her self at the outset of

The Wizard of Oz but as she encounters the obstacles provided by the witch, her demeanor changes so that by the next encounter with the Wizard she stands up to him for frightening her friends and chastizes him, "Shame on you for scaring people who have come to you for help," when the lion faints from fear.

Have you ever considered if you have a survivor personality or disposition? When I read about the Donner party, I remember thinking I would survive that, but later on after going through some upsetting issues in my life as an adult I looked back and thought, "No, I would have probably been eaten as an appetizer and been one of the first to die."

In the June 9, 2008 issue of Time magazine there is an article regarding who survives disaster and who does not. The interesting thing is that so called normal behavior is no predictor of survival as a disaster situation creates a totally different response in people than what might be considered the norm for them. The author, Amanda Ripley provides 5 characteristics you can incorporate to improve your "disaster" personality. These steps involve making ourselves more consciously resilient in not only surviving the immediate disaster by the immediate fall out as well.

1. events can be impacted on by people-specifically themselves

good and bad events in life can hold meaningful purpose

events -good or bad-provide opportunities to learn

2. even a small amount of accurate information can be helpful in finding the means to elicit a survival response

3. coping with fear and anxiety can help prevent over reaction to a situation and thus panic and choosing bad responses

4. Physical fitness helps improve mental and emotional responses to disasters of any kind

5.anticipating potential disasters and practicing for them can help create what soon becomes an "automatic" response to threat as exemplified in teaching children to Stop-Drop-Roll should their clothing catch fire

In the end no one saved Dorothy or her companions in the face of threat and disaster, they saved themselves through a combination of heart, brains, courage, and friendship.