"What about you, Tin Man?"
"You clinking, clanking, cacophonous, pile of junk."
The Great and Powerful Wizard of Oz goes on to berate the Scarecrow and the Lion until Doroty steps and in to defend the individuals who have now become her Oz family. We all realize there may be some truth to what the Wizard says and it becomes apparent that he is trying to intimidate them so they will leave. What we may or may not realize is he breaks, what I feel is, a cardinal rule for those of us who work in social services and that is,
Do not step on the DNA.
In other words, we need to take care in any situation that we do not make comments that appear to criticize or fault family members, especially parents, as being the cause of the issue or crisis the family is facing. Children are especially susceptible to these kinds of remarks and ironically the least responsible for their parents' successes or failures. Children, owing to their cognitive and emotional development, can very easily assume that somehow they failed to exercise control over their parents' behavior or choices. Many of us, for example, have seen children who are afraid to leave their mothers because they think their presence will keep their fathers from committing domestic violence. It can also make children question why they love someone who has been so careless with the family's life creating an emotional dilemma.
Consider as well, if disaster has caused the loss of a parent(s) or their home, how much more the loss will be magnified if the child comes to understand that if parents had evacuated the outcome would have been different or if the parents hadn't moved into a trailer, or if parents had saved money or had insurance. Untoward comments made in front of children can impact their sense of self esteem and create a life long negative impact if providers are not sensitive to who may be listening. Even if children do not completely understand the vocabulary, they are aware of tone and nuance in spoken language and can pick up the basic connotation of what is said.
In the end Dorothy with tears in her eyes, defends her companions and says to the Wizard,
"Shame on you!" "They came to you for help and all you've done is scare them." "You are not a great, or powerful wizard at all."
